Sitting here, typing for the Academy again feels surreal. After battling cancer for the past year, a fight I was once told was terminal, I can hardly believe I’m writing this. For so long, I had resigned myself to the belief that asking for help wasn’t an option. As a submissive, I felt the need to keep things together on my own, fighting a solitary battle against cancer. But now, with doctors saying I’m on the brink of remission, I realize something crucial: I was wrong.
The Art of Asking for Help as a Submissive
What changed? My mindset. I stopped believing that being submissive meant I couldn’t be vulnerable or ask for help. I had placed this unrealistic expectation on myself, thinking that no matter the circumstances, I had to hold everything together. But that’s not true. It took me a long time to admit to myself—and to others—that I needed help, but once I did, everything changed.
So many of us wear masks, pretending we’re fine because we feel like we have to. Whether it’s because of a lifestyle role, family expectations, or just a personal sense of responsibility, we hide our struggles. But the truth is, no one is perfect. We all need help sometimes, and that’s okay. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s part of being human.
For me, the breaking point came when I realized that trying to fight cancer on my own was destroying me. I was trying to maintain a full-time job, serve my Sir, and keep a brave face for the world, all while my body was shutting down. I didn’t want to let anyone down by showing my vulnerability, but in reality, I was pushing the people I loved away. I was too exhausted to give or receive love, and it took its toll.
When I finally broke down and asked for help, I was met with tears of relief from my Sir and my roommate. They had been waiting, wanting to support me, but I had been too stubborn to let them. In my mind, asking for help meant admitting defeat, but in reality, it opened the door for deeper connections and allowed me to heal emotionally as well as physically.
You don’t have to be facing a life-threatening illness to deserve help. We all have moments when we feel overwhelmed, and it’s during those times that asking for help is not just okay—it’s necessary. Think about the past week. Were there moments when someone offered help, and you declined? Were there times when you felt stressed but didn’t reach out? The sooner you can recognize these moments, the sooner you can start accepting the love and support that others want to give you.
Now, let’s talk about the practical side of asking for help. It’s one thing to acknowledge that you need it, but it’s another to actually ask for it. Start by identifying three tasks that overwhelm or frustrate you on a regular basis. They don’t have to be huge; even small, nagging tasks can pile up and cause stress. Once you’ve written them down, think about who in your life could help you with each one.
For example, I realized that I was always forgetting to wash the sheets on Sundays, which caused me unnecessary frustration. I asked my Sir if we could make it a shared task, and now we do it together every Sunday morning, turning it into a bonding moment. Another frustration for me was bringing the trash can in from the curb, so I asked my roommate to handle it, and he was more than happy to help.
The key is to understand that asking for help doesn’t make you a burden. The people who love you want to help you, and when you let them, you’re not only making your life easier but also strengthening your relationships. It’s a win-win.
So, now it’s your turn. Take a moment to think about those small frustrations in your life and who could help you with them. Then, ask. You’ll be surprised at how much lighter you feel, and how much joy it brings to the people around you when you let them be part of your journey.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of love. It allows you to take off the Superwoman cape and just be yourself, imperfections and all. And that, in itself, is a beautiful thing.
